by
William A. Gralnick
Boy o’ boy, there is no end to depressing things to write about and one has to dig to find something smile-producing. I think I have found such a thing. It comes, of all places, from baseball. Wait. Don’t go ‘way. There is a lot of humor in sports, but baseball seems to have the corner on funny guys. Everyone knows Yogi Berra who said, “I didn’t say the things I said.” Everyone knows Casey Stengel famous for asking in desperation about his awful NY Mets, “Can anyone here play this game?” And of course, Bob Uecker who said, “When I came up to bat with the bases loaded I noticed the other team had changed into their street clothes and were leaving the dugout.”
So, here, no charge, are some of their best, offered up to stop you from thinking and start you giggling.
Yogi Berra:
Many images come to mind when one hears the name Yogi Berra. One of the more obvious is that of a winner. Berra won three American League Most Valuable Player awards and appeared in 14 World Series as a player and another five as a manager or a coach. He won 13 championship rings and holds several Series records. Berra met with numerous roadblocks on his journey to fame, but he overcame them with grit and dedication and went on to become one of the more beloved figures in American sports history. (SABR)
• “It ain’t over ’til it’s over.”
• If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
• When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
• A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. You can observe a lot by just watching.
• The future ain’t what it used to be.
• You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.
• You can observe a lot by watching.
• You should always go to other people’s funerals; otherwise, they won’t come to yours.
• If people don’t want to come to the ballpark, how are you going to stop them?
• It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.
• I wish I had an answer to that because I’m tired of answering that question.
• I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
• I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.
• Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.
• I knew the record would stand until it was broken.
• I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.
• It gets late early out there.
• “Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”
• You can observe a lot just by watching.”
“We made too many wrong mistakes.”
• “You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
• “It’s like deja vu all over again.
Casey Stengel
Casey Stengel is best remembered for his managerial accomplishments with the juggernaut New York Yankees of the 1950s and the bumbling, beloved New York Mets of the early ’60s, but decades earlier he was a hard-hitting outfielder who compiled a .284 batting average over 14 seasons in the National League. Planting his right foot closer to the plate than his left, as if he were peering at the pitcher over his right shoulder, the left-handed Stengel held his hands down at the end of the bat and took a healthy swing. He hit more long balls than most Deadball Era players, but it also made him more susceptible to change-ups and curves. Perhaps the strongest aspect of his game was his defense; he excelled at playing the sun field, and the long hours he spent practicing caroms off the fences at Ebbets Field paid off when he led all NL outfielders in assists in 1917.
“Amazing strength, amazing power – he (Ron Swoboda) can grind the dust out of the bat. He will be great, super even wonderful. Now, if he can only learn to catch a fly ball.” Source: The Incredible Mets
“Been in this game one-hundred years, but I see new ways to lose ’em I never knew existed before.”
“Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.”
“Can’t anybody here play this game?”
“Don’t cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.”
“Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa.”
“He’d (Yogi Berra) fall in a sewer and come up with a gold watch.” Source: Baseball Digest (August 1972)
“He (Gil Hodges) fields better on one leg than anybody else I got on two.” Source: The Incredible Mets
“He (Satchel Paige) threw the ball as far from the bat and as close to the plate as possible.”
“He’s throwing grounders.”
“I couldn’t done it without my players.”
“I don’t know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.”
“I don’t like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.”
“If anyone wants me tell them I’m being embalmed.”
“It’s wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn’t used to like.”
“I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.”
“Look at him (Bobby Richardson) – he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t smoke, he doesn’t chew, he doesn’t stay out late, and he still can’t hit .250.”
“Mr. that boy couldn’t hit the ground if he fell out of an airplane.”
“Son, we’d like to keep you around this season but we’re going to try and win a pennant.”
“There comes a time in every man’s life, and I’ve had plenty of them.”
“The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.”
All of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ball games.”
“This club (1969 New York Mets) plays better baseball now. Some of them look fairly alert.”
“We (the Mets) are a much improved ball club, now we lose in extra innings!”
“You have to have a catcher, otherwise you will have a lot of passed balls.”
Bob Uecker
As a backup catcher, he played for the Milwaukee Braves, St. Louis Cardinals, Philadelphia Phillies, and Atlanta Braves from 1962 to 1967. After retiring, Uecker started a broadcasting career and has served as a play-by-play announcer for Milwaukee Brewers radio broadcasts since 1971. Probably his biggest career highlight was hitting a home run against Hall of Famer Sandy Koufax after which he quipped: “I hope I didn’t ruin his chance to get into the Hall of Fame.”
• I knew when my career was over. In 1965 my baseball card came out with no picture.
• They broke it to me gently. The manager came up to me before a game and told me they didn’t allow visitors in the clubhouse.
• The way to catch a knuckleball is to wait until it stops rolling and then pick it up.
I had a great ball and glove contract with a company who paid me a lot of money never to be seen using their stuff.
• People don’t know this, but I helped the Cardinals win the pennant. I came down with hepatitis. The trainer injected me with it!
• Anybody with ability can play in the big leagues. To last as long as I did with the skills I had, with the numbers I produced, was a triumph of the human spirit.
• In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs.
• If a guy hits .300 every year, what does he have to look forward to? I always tried to stay around .190, with three or four RBI. And I tried to get them all in September. That way I always had something to talk about during the winter.
That’s what I got, folks. Hope you’re smiling.
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