by
William A. Gralnick
I hate commercials. Those who have followed my writing know that. I think they have contributed to the dumbing down of America. They drive me batty. I don’t know why we buy anything that is sold with most commercials we see and hear. There are the ones that tout the great wonders of some medicine, though I hate the use of the term, that will fix this, that and the other thing that is ailing you or surely will soon enough. These commercials usually end by telling you that there is no substantive research to prove anything they’ve just told you and/or the FDA has not approved the product for the uses being touted.
Picture credit public domain pix
As long as we are on medicine, let’s go to real drugs. Again, the Hollywood production build-up of the latest wonder drug. The words come at you through the radio or TV so strongly, you can almost feel them blowing your hair to the back of your head, or in my case just chilling my balding pate. Then using far using decibels and often someone who speaks words that come out at just short of the speed of sound that tell you the horrible side effects this drug can have up to and including sudden death, though my favorite line is the warning not to take the drug in you are allergic to it. Duh. These kinds of commercials end with happy people doing happy things and the message urging you to “ask your doctor.” Why do I feel if you have the purported illness your doctor should be telling you what to take not fielding your television commercials feedback? Maybe that’s just me.
Picture credit TV Studio camera public domain pix
The commercials that make me wish I had enough hair so I could put it out, are the automobile insurance commercials. They are demeaning and insulting. My parents had good automobile insurance. What would be so wrong in becoming like them when I had to buy insurance? Are we really at the level where we are going to buy insurance from an idiot with a large bird, a bird at least smart enough to take an elevator rather than try and slide down a fireman’s pole in a fire station? Then there’s Mr. Mayhem who is the modern version of Chicken Little urging you to believe that the sky is not only going to fall but it is going to fall on you or something very expensive you own. And of course, there’s the Geiko. Don’t even get me started. I will warn you this: just because someone has a cultured accent doesn’t make them smart—especially if they are a lizard.
Car crash picture credit public domain pix
But a new commercial has come into our lives and this one takes the cake. This is the commercial that is “life-changing.” It is the one that tells you the company only hires the best psychics and that the vast majority of those who apply are not accepted. Reassuring, no? So sure is this company that it is life-changing they offer a twenty-minute reading (which itself is interesting since this is done over the phone) for “only” twenty dollars. And guess what? If it isn’t life-changing, you get your money back! “Well, buckle my shoes, ain’t that a deal?”
Crystal ball picture credit public domain pix
Between the time I wrote this article and now I’ve seen two more commercials that are so annoying that they could grow hair on my balding pate. One is the dance and song ensemble swinging and swaying their way to lowering their A1C numbers. It reminds me of a rehearsal for an off-broadway musical. The other is the idiot on a horse trying to maneuver out of a dental office. I’m still working on the solution to the puzzle that would tell me how these commercials fit the products they are pushing.
Ladies and gentlemen, I appeal to you. C’mon! Are we that gullible? Are we convinced by what we are being shown? Watching these commercials isn’t like taking your kids to see the newest Transformers movie and having them come out believing that Transformers can do all that stuff. Hell, we’ve survived believing in Santa Claus and some of us even the Great Pumpkin. But believing a commercial can get you killed, lose you a lot of money, and even convince you of things without any scientific evidence to back it up. One thing a commercial is unlikely to do is change your life, especially in twenty minutes, unless of course, your life is a lot less complicated than mine.
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